Call Your Mother

Mommy was in town last week.

Some people don’t like the word “mommy.” Some people, I’d even say, are sickened by it. But I feel all right using the word at 24 because a) it’s not that unusual in Asian families, b) I’m pretty comfortable with my level of independence from my mother, and c) If I stopped now, I’d break my mother’s heart. Well, that’s not fair. My mom’s a hearty sort of woman; I’m sure she’d understand. But to me, she’s Mommy. I can refer to her as “my Mom” to other people, but on the rare occasion when I get to see her, she’s Mommy. Name: Mommy. Occupation: Mom. She also has a real name and occupation, but look at her. She’s just so dang cute.

Such a Mommy.

So the first thing we did, of course, was take her to Mother’s Bistro, a restaurant in downtown Portland. I hate that I like this place so much. It’s big, it’s in the middle of the city, and you can always see the chefs taking a smoke break when you’re waiting for a table. I hate that. I had a teacher in school who refused to enter Jake’s Grill downtown for this same reason. But the food at Mother’s is so, so good. The egg dishes are gorgeous. The biscuits and gravy is rich and meaty. And they make an eggs benedict that jiggles like an angel’s boobies. I don’t even care about the nicotine-sucking cooks (like RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR). They make a bangin’ hollandaise.

I have to try very, very hard not to get biscuits and gravy every time. Or eggs benedict. But I’m also in love with this stuffed fritata, which is essentially an omelet with broiled cheese on top.

The next day, we went to the Rose Gardens in Washington Park. I’ve actually never been before, despite the fact that I used to live one MAX stop away from it.

I took a lot of pictures. A LOT. And it was very bright, so I couldn’t quite see what I was doing. But some of them came out okay! Actually, most of them. I guess you can’t go wrong with pretty roses.

Let me tell you, that place is huge. If it wasn’t for the fact that we’d just gone to the Japanese gardens and at that point were severely hungry, I could’ve wandered around for hours. Did you know there’s a Julia Child rose?

And a Karl Lagerfeld one?

All in all it was a nice way to spend the afternoon. And it felt fitting. Roses for Mommy, because she’s awesome. Even though she’s not fond of receiving flowers, and also I think it’s illegal to bring Oregon plants into California. As I am writing this she’s just called my sister and told her that she’s home safe, even though she couldn’t sleep in her hotel last night because the woman in the room next door was making loud sex noises.

That’s my Mommy. I miss her already.



Filed under food, life, reviews, travel

3 responses to “Call Your Mother

  1. Rhiannon

    d00d, I totally call my mom Mommy. and Mama. and Ma, because I enjoy using it sarcastically.

    Also, I call her all the time, sometimes inappropriately. As in from bed with Luke to arrange breakfast. At what point are you allowed to admit to your mother that when you’re calling her and asking if she wants to have breakfast that there is a naked fellow wrapped around you using your boobies as pillows?

    Anyway, that’s usually when I call her Ma.

    By the way, last time I called your Mommy, it was to tell her what a great time I’d had with her the night before. In that hotel room. Making all that noise. (rimshot)

    • Emmy

      Ohhhhh snap! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, I’ve almost come to crave the “your mom” jokes. That’s weird, right? And kind of sick?

      I think it’s okay to call your mom from bed as long as it’s post-fooling around, and not pre. Well, maybe that’s fine if you hang up before sex actually commences. Like, “Hey, Ma, I’ll see ya in an hour but I gotta go bonk now.”

      You probably could leave that last bit out.

  2. Rhiannon

    Nothin sick about it I think. Neither does your mother.

    In all seriousness though. I have been, literally, laughing out loudly at this blog-thing you’ve got here. Somehow I forgot it existed, and today went back and was SEWPUR nerdy and stalked you a bit and you can expect MANY comments henceforth, as I have subscribed to you via the google readsies. Expect inappropriateness in every fillable typingsituation.

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