Things Emmy Has Said/Done This Week

WHILE WATCHING AMERICA’S TEST KITCHEN: “Not the tasting noises! Oh, this is so gross. I can’t listen. It’s like a porn. What if they made a porn? It would be called ‘America’s Fuck Kitchen.’ I can’t believe no one’s done that yet. Wait, maybe they have. Should I google it? No. Ew, no. I can’t google that. It’s too horrible.”

IN REGARDS TO THE UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS: “Did the kid just fall down? Or are they boning?”

SENT VIA TEXT MESSAGE: “Where are yoooouuuuuu? I am getting drunk.”

SHOPPING AT OLD NAVY: “Should I get this argyle sweater? I mean, I’m not really an argyle sweater person. I mean…well, I guess I am. Shut up. Also it’s pink and purple and goes with my hiking boots.”

IN REGARDS TO THE UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS, AGAIN GODDAMN IT: “Seriously. Get the broom.”

LISTENING TO THE RADIO: “Sometimes when I hear this Death Cab for Cutie intro, I think of Keyboard Cat. Like, playing the keyboard. It’s very pretty. They should team up. They could be ‘Death Cab for Keyboard Cat.’ Omigod, tell that to the internet.”

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1 Comment

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One response to “Things Emmy Has Said/Done This Week

  1. Mommy

    You are so funny and cute. I love you very much.

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